THE FAKE PEATER
A taxonomic examination of Ray Peat acolytes in their natural habitats
The field of nutritional physiology has spawned countless tribes, each coalescing around their chosen prophet. None, however, have achieved the peculiar blend of esotericism, metabolic mysticism, and orange-juice-fueled devotion quite like the disciples of Raymond Peat (1936-2023).
This field guide serves as a discerning lens through which one might distinguish the scholarly Peat adherent from the faux follower—those who invoke his name while missing the essence of his metabolic gospel.
"The mitochondria shall be free or the cells shall perish."
I was in a restaurant recently and witnessed a man interrogate the waiter about the exact oxidation state of the cooking oil. After receiving an unsatisfactory answer, he produced his own stick of butter from an insulated pouch and placed it ceremoniously on the table. This, dear reader, is when I knew I had encountered a Peater in the wild.
— Field Notes, March 2025
A BRIEF PEATIAN COSMOLOGY
Ray Peat's worldview wasn't merely about nutrition—it was a complete reimagining of biological systems, a Copernican revolution of cellular understanding. His philosophy transcended mere meal planning to construct an entire metabolic cosmology, whereby cellular energy becomes the cornerstone upon which all health, consciousness, and perhaps even the soul itself is built.
In the Peatian universe, the mitochondria reign supreme as Platonic forms of energetic potential, thyroid is the celestial governor maintaining divine order, and unsaturated fats are the primordial chaos threatening to destabilize the delicate harmony of cellular function—a kind of metabolic Fall from Grace.
- The Sacred Triad: Thyroid function, progesterone protection, and cellular respiration form the holy trinity of Peatian thought—three aspects of the unified metabolic godhead.
- The Great Enemies: PUFAs (polyunsaturated fatty acids), estrogen dominance, serotonin excess, and lactic acid form the four horsemen of metabolic apocalypse—biochemical demons that must be exorcised through dietary sacraments.
- The Blessed Sacraments: Orange juice, dairy, coconut oil, and refined sugar constitute the communion elements of the faithful—biochemical manifestations of the Platonic ideal of cellular nourishment.
The average endocrinologist treats thyroid numbers. The advanced Peater treats the soul of the gland itself.
— Metabolic Proverb
At night, the mitochondria dream of ineffable kingdoms where electrons dance freely along the respiratory chain, unburdened by the gravitational pull of oxidative stress. In this realm, the raw carrot is both sentinel and prophet, standing guard at the portal between orders of being. Listen closely: the soft whisper of CO₂ released into the bloodstream is the universe exhaling its ancient wisdom.
TAXONOMY OF THE FAKE PEATER
CATEGORY I
THE SUPERFICIAL CITRUS ENTHUSIAST
The most common subspecies of Fake Peater, identifiable by their obsessive consumption of orange juice without comprehension of its metabolic context. They have reduced Peat's nuanced understanding of carbohydrate metabolism to "sugar good"—a Nietzschean transvaluation of dietary values without the philosophical depth—and proceed to pour half a gallon of commercial orange juice down their gullet daily while their pancreas writes desperate letters to its congressperson.
Key identifying behaviors include:
- Carries a half-gallon of Tropicana in a shoulder holster, a simulacrum of metabolic enlightenment that Baudrillard would recognize as the hyperreal version of Peatian principles
- Cannot explain the Randle cycle despite invoking it regularly—like a medieval peasant reciting Latin prayers without comprehension
- Condemns all exercise as "catabolic stress" while their VO₂ max plummets to prehistoric levels—a perverse misinterpretation akin to reading Nietzsche's "will to power" as an invitation to nap
- Misinterprets Peat's critiques of excessive stress as permission for profound sedentarism—creating a metabolic quietism that would make Pascal's idle man seem positively industrious
CATEGORY II
THE PUFA PARANOIAC
This specimen has experienced complete cognitive capture by Peat's critique of polyunsaturated fats—a Cartesian hyperbolic doubt directed not at sensory perception but at the fatty acid profiles of all consumables. They exist in a state of perpetual biochemical paranoia, convinced that seed oils have infiltrated every aspect of modern life and are responsible for all social and physiological ills from divorce rates to the decline of Western civilization.
Their apartment is filled with gas chromatography equipment purchased on eBay, which they use to test the fatty acid profile of their roommate's foods without permission. They've been known to sniff strangers in public places, claiming they can detect "the omega-6 stench of imminent peroxidation"—a kind of metaphysical intuition that Heraclitus might have appreciated had he been obsessed with lipid chemistry instead of fire.
- Refuses to enter establishments with deep fryers, claiming the airborne PUFA particles will "corrupt their lipid membrane integrity"—a biochemical version of Gnostic fears of material contamination
- Has written a 300-page manifesto titled "Soybean Oil: Satan's Lubricant," complete with footnotes referencing both obscure medical journals and the Book of Revelation
- Claims to experience immediate mitochondrial distress when driving past a McDonald's—a kind of fast-food stigmata that would impress even Kierkegaard with its existential commitment
- Interprets all health symptoms through the lens of "PUFA toxicity" despite mounting evidence of unrelated pathologies—a Procrustean bed upon which all medical phenomena must be stretched or shortened
CATEGORY III
THE PEAT PRIEST
This variant has transformed Peat's scientific explorations into religious doctrine—a kind of metabolic fundamentalism that would make medieval scholastics blush. They treat his articles as sacred texts, spending hours in exegetical analysis of his parenthetical asides from a 1996 newsletter, searching for hidden meanings with a hermeneutical fervor that would exhaust even Talmudic scholars.
The Peat Priest refuses to acknowledge that science is an evolving process—a Kuhnian paradigm shift is beyond their comprehension. They cannot comprehend that Peat himself modified his views over time as new evidence emerged. They speak in direct quotations and grow visibly uncomfortable when forced to synthesize or extrapolate beyond the literal word of the master—a fundamentalist's refusal of interpretive responsibility that Derrida would recognize immediately.
- Has created elaborate flow charts connecting Peat quotes across decades to form a unified theory of everything—a metabolic Kabbalah that purports to reveal the hidden structure of physiological reality
- Refers to conventional dietitians as "metabolic heretics" who must be "corrected"—language that echoes the Spanish Inquisition but with blood glucose monitors instead of torture devices
- Maintains a shrine featuring a glass of orange juice that they swear has remained fresh for three years through sheer metabolic righteousness—a miracle of preservation that transcends ordinary laws of bacterial decomposition
- Regularly begins sentences with "Ray Peat teaches us that..." regardless of context or relevance—a kind of argumentum ad verecundiam that renders all other epistemological frameworks moot
Yesterday, I witnessed a man in the grocery store communing with a stick of butter. He held it to his ear like a seashell, nodding solemnly as if receiving transmissions from the saturated fat beyond. "The PUFAs are watching," he whispered to me, eyes darting to the surveillance cameras. "They've infiltrated the lighting fixtures—they're oxidizing us from above." He handed me a raw carrot before disappearing into the frozen foods section, leaving behind only the faint scent of coconut oil and metaphysical certainty.
METABOLIC CONFESSION BOOTH
I once consumed a non-strained homemade chicken stock that undoubtedly contained significant amounts of inflammatory polyunsaturated fats. The sheer oxidative burden of this transgression haunts me still. The mitochondria cry out for atonement, yet I fear I have fallen from the metabolic state of grace. Am I beyond redemption, or can sufficient quantities of saturated fats absolve me of this lipid sin?
THE AUTHENTIC PEAT SCHOLAR
GENUINE
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE TRUE ADHERENT
The authentic Peat adherent recognizes that his work offered a lens through which to view metabolism—not a rigid dogma to follow blindly. They understand that Peat's genius lay in connecting disparate fields of endocrinology, quantum physics, and cellular energetics into a coherent framework for understanding biological function—a grand unified theory of physiological processes that rivals the ambition, if not the scope, of Hegel's absolute idealism.
- Approaches Peat's work as a starting point for intellectual exploration rather than a final destination—embracing Peat's method over his conclusions, much as Wittgenstein urged philosophers to discard the ladder after climbing it
- Recognizes that "context matters" was one of Peat's fundamental principles—a kind of metabolic situational ethics that resists universalization
- Understands that cellular energy production is a dynamic process influenced by numerous factors beyond diet alone—a complex system that defies the reductionist impulse in a way that would satisfy both Deleuze and complexity theorists
- Continues to engage with current research while maintaining a healthy skepticism of reductionist approaches—embodying Peat's intellectual curiosity rather than merely mimicking his dietary preferences
- Can articulate the distinction between Peat's approach and merely following a "Peat-approved" food list—rejecting the menu for the principles, as Žižek might say in one of his more lucid moments
- Acknowledges that individual metabolic needs vary based on health history, environment, and current stressors—a recognition of embodied particularity that phenomenologists from Merleau-Ponty onward would appreciate
- Synthesizes rather than regurgitates, developing a personal understanding of metabolic function—creating an authentic relationship with biological knowledge in a way that Heidegger might recognize as genuine "dwelling" with scientific truth
The tragedy of Ray Peat's intellectual legacy is not that he was misunderstood—all great thinkers are—but that he has been reduced to a dietary checkbox by those incapable of engaging with the elegant complexity of his metabolic vision. It is as if Kant's categorical imperative were reduced to "be nice" or Heidegger's meditation on Being transformed into a self-help slogan.
— Metabolic Reflections
ADVANCED PEATIAN DIALECTICS
For the truly initiated, Peat's work transcends mere nutritional advice to become a philosophical framework—a metabolic epistemology, if you will. Consider these advanced concepts:
- Energetic Determinism: The proposition that cellular energy production constitutes the fundamental basis of all biological function, and therefore all human experience—a materialist revision of Spinoza's substance monism, with ATP replacing divine extension.
- Respiratory Primacy: The notion that efficient oxidative metabolism supersedes all other biological considerations, rendering other frameworks (genetic, microbiome, etc.) as merely secondary phenomena—a hierarchical ontology that privileges energy flow over informational structures, recalling Bergson's élan vital but with a biochemist's precision.
- The Thyroid Imperative: Understanding that thyroid function operates as the master regulator of metabolic activity, creating a hierarchical organization of physiological processes with thyroid at the apex—a biological version of Plato's philosopher-king governing the republic of organs.
- Anti-Stress Ontology: The philosophical position that biological stress represents not merely a physiological state but an existential condition to be transcended through metabolic optimization—a somatic interpretation of Buddhist principles of suffering and liberation, with cortisol as the biochemical manifestation of dukkha.
- The Carbohydrate Dasein: The recognition that glucose metabolism constitutes a fundamental mode of cellular being-in-the-world—a rejection of the inauthentic metabolic existence promulgated by ketogenic enthusiasts who deny the primordial relationship between the organism and simple sugars.
- Temporal Metabolism: The understanding that energy production exists in a non-linear relationship with time—a biological interpretation of Bergson's durée that recognizes the qualitative experience of metabolic states as irreducible to quantitative measurement.
One does not simply follow a "Peat diet." One embraces a complete metabolic worldview, wherein every cellular process becomes an opportunity for energetic liberation—a biochemical enlightenment where the mitochondria achieve their Buddha-nature through the proper ratio of saturated to unsaturated fats.
— Confessions of a Reformed Fake Peater
I dreamt of thyroid glands floating in space like celestial bodies, their gravitational pull organizing the cosmos into zones of optimal metabolism. Each orbital path traced by electrons in their quantum dance spelled out Peat's name in a script only cellular receptors could read. The coconut trees grew taller than Babel, their fruits containing universes where inflammation was merely a myth told to scare PUFA molecules into structural reformation. I awoke clutching my copy of "Nutrition for Women," its pages mysteriously scented with orange blossoms and molecular stability.
THE FINAL ANALYSIS
The distinction between the authentic Peat scholar and the fake Peater is not in their dietary choices, but in their intellectual approach. Where the fake Peater clings to superficial rules and rigid dogmas, the true student of Peat embraces the spirit of curious investigation that characterized Peat's own work—a difference between the letter and spirit of metabolic law that St. Paul would immediately recognize.
Perhaps the most telling sign of a fake Peater is their certainty—their unwavering, unquestioning belief that they have discovered the One True Metabolic Path. The authentic Peatian thinker, by contrast, remains ever the student, understanding that the pursuit of metabolic wisdom is an ongoing journey rather than a destination—a Socratic acknowledgment of the limitations of knowledge in the face of biochemical complexity.
In the end, the greatest tribute one can pay to Ray Peat's legacy is not mindless adherence to a dietary formula, but thoughtful engagement with the elegant framework of understanding he constructed over decades of scholarship—a living relationship with his ideas rather than a fossil record of his recommendations.
The kingdom of metabolism is within you, but first you must evict the polyunsaturated squatters.